Planes, Trains and Automobiles

So, I have been away for so long, that I will have to blog in sections in order to fully catch up on my own expeditions. Otherwise I will have to blog at length like Mr B-N, so this will be installment one.

Travel.

Apparently I've gone a long long way, to a big big place. And realised that actually long haul flights are not all that entertaining... so you have to keep your eyes open for good stories. People watching ... so here are the top entertainers from my journeys.

Coming in at number five, is the random man who sat next to me on a very long overnight train journey. As Tristan kindly pointed out, there are a million better ways to get between Sydney and Brisbane, but the train had been selected, and Tris had plans to cook a Turkey in a Weber, and I didn't want to be around to watch the fallout.... So I'm sitting, studiously listening to music and giving out my best don't talk to me vibes, when random aussie man starts to point out the local features we are going past. Now I might add at this juncture that I do not remove my headphones, or give any polite interested smiles and nods, but do we think that this discourages him? Not a jot. And the quality of the commentary is not good. "That's an island" - really mate? What gave it away, the fact it was totally surrounded by water. I'm not listening to you, but I'm not blind. "Those trees, they're Eucalypt you know", well knock me down with a telegraph pole. I've never been more fascinated. I had to run away from him at a station stop, and I kid yee not, the guy followed me out onto the platform chatting away and pointing out wildlife. Which was limited to things that may or may not be living underneath tin cans and old bricks if only we could see them. Worst kind of friendly freak.

At number four is definately all air hostesses on Cathay Pacific. Now my understanding of the air hostess role may admittedly be limited, but I had understood that there are certain key tasks which are required. And ladies, if you can't reach the over-head lockers, you are going to find your job a challenge. How may people does it take to put a case in an overhead locker. Final count was five. Would have got up to help but I was doubled over laughing at this point.

Number three may go down as an all time favourite travel story. So much so I may start to pass this off as my own. So I'm on a boat, sailing the fabulous Whitsundays, and chatting to one of my fellow travelling / holildaying types and he tells me about the best place he stayed in Thailand. He arrives, and his mate has booked them into a 'hotel'. (For hotel I think we can read total hovel on the wrong side of town). So going into their 'double room' they find a large rat, on their bed looking at them. Undeterred they do not leave the hotel. Hardened travellers, put up with rats not a problem. But they do ask the staff to cover up the hole that appears to lead from their bathroom wall straight to the local gutter. Piece of cardboard in hand, staff appear, and cover hole. 3am, undoubted scraping noise coming from inside bathroom. Rat (which in my mind and all future versions of this story roughly the size and weight of a jack russell), rat is trying to get into the bedroom. Presumably he's lonely. Rat has also chewed off all the cardboard and pulled the bathtowel into the gap. So far standard rat related Thailand story. Until I hear that when they got a member of staff to help, he pulled the bath towel out of the hole, and put it back on the towel rail, carefully smoothing down the wrinkles and making sure it lined up with the other one. Hmm. Bring your own towel. Always.

Second best travel moment, and it was a close run thing, is probably my late at night disorientation on the Greyhound. It is obligatory to have weirdly timed extended stops, usually about five minutes after you got on, and in a dirty cafe somewhere on the outskirts of town. This was no exception. So, I get out to meander around the cafe (I am an obediant traveller - they tell me its a stop, I get out and look at the sequined eye masks and deflated footballs for sale). Now, rule for getting off your coach in the arse end of nowhere? Perhaps to pay attention to where your coach parked?? So I come back out of the cafe, get onto the first Greyhound I see, and sit contently in my seat. For about five minutes. Before I notice the chap across the way is looking at me out of the corner of his eye. And to be fair, I don't remember having a chap sitting across the way before. And now I think about it I don't remember my coach looking quite like this...

But enough of that, by far and away my most amusing travel observation was the gentleman on the 13 hour flight to Hong Kong. Gets to seat, gets towel from his bag, sits in his chair and places towel over his head. Please note this is before the lights have been switched off. He goes straight to sleep, bolt upright and remains motionless until breakfast is served. I know, I got up several times to check.

Brilliancy. Will have to look out for similar oddities on the trip to Nepal... I might try the towel sleeping manoeuvre. Maybe he knows something we don't??